🚫 Deathbed Regrets

There’s this male Albanian tradition of mourning a friend’s death. It’s called “Gjama e Burrave” which translates to “Men’s Lament.”

Ten Balkan men mourn for their fallen friend with a show of emotion while striking their chests, scratching their faces, and dancing arm in arm. A ritual that dates back to 1468, the Gjama continues today despite the Communists attempting to stifle the tradition.

It’s pretty BA. Whoever said emotional men were a modern invention hasn’t seen these Balkans.

I’m a sucker for history, but let’s get to it! In today’s issue:

• Decisions: How to make ‘em.

• “Belt bags”: AKA Fanny packs, let’s be real.

• Social Media: The Surgeon General has spoken.

• FB Marketplace: Hack the algorithm.

• Great Condiment Battles of History

MAKING DECISIONS: You feel stuck. The pros and cons are balanced. ⚖ Even good advice doesn’t seem to help. How can you get yourself over the hump to make a big decision?

Try St. Ignatius’s 3 modes of discernment. All of these require prayerful quiet and space to think. And the decision has to be between 2 goods, not between and good and an evil. Take a deep breath, and try these techniques:

First mode — Clarity beyond doubting. God gives a gift of knowledge and all we must do is act. No further discussion is necessary. This is a rare gift, but you should ask for it.

Second mode — An Attraction of the Heart. In this gradual, sometimes long, process, where you “discern the spirits”. Does one or the other choice bring feelings of peace, draw the soul higher to God. Conversely, does the second choice attract you in times of spiritual desolation?

Third mode — A Preponderance of Reasons. Your heart must be in a state of peace and calm. You present the choice to God and ask for guidance. Then, you use your reason to develop pros and cons for each choice — these pros and cons must be related to spiritual, not temporal goods. Then evaluate the lists and see if there is clarity. If so, confirm with God and your spiritual director. If not, try these two “out of body” questions for confirmation:

1. Imagine a perfect stranger meets you and proposes the choice to you — what advice would you give to that person? You yourself do that advice.

2. Imagine being on your deathbed looking back. Which choice do you wish you would have made? You yourself do that choice.

Start with the first mode, ask for clarity beyond doubting, then if there is no clear direction, go to the second mode, and discern the spirits. If consolation vs. desolation is not clear, use the third mode and the two “out of body” questions.

For more help, listen to this podcast and learn the rules of discerning spirits. Or read the book. Or this one specifically on the 3 modes above.

FASHION: Girls, it’s time.

We were alive in the 80s (well, most of us), but we didn’t know — did we? We didn’t know that we needed these bags. “Belt bags”, aka fanny packs are back and they’re actually perfect for running errands, a walk around town, or date night. Everything you need fits in it — wallet, phone, your keys, a couple makeup items.

Or, you could actually put it on a belt 🤷.

SOCIAL MEDIA: A couple weeks ago, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy told us all what we already knew. News alert! 📰 Social media carries serious mental health risks for minors. The toll on minors includes: declining self-esteem, reduced attention spans, and bullying. But that’s not all — depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and body dysmorphia. So, what can we do? Here are some helpful tips. But, does it need to be complicated — just don’t give them a smartphone. It’s harming them.

If your teen is stressed by social media, here’s how to help them.

• There is a God: the restaurant blessing you didn’t know you needed!

• 🪴 Choose the right houseplant to make you smile.

• Best tips for scoring that Burl coffee table in 2023.

• For my yinzers — Heinz vs. French’s. A Ketchup War that has it all — intrigue, plot twists, and unforgettable characters.

• So, that’s why it’s called an Americano. ☕

“Fathering isn’t something perfect men do. It’s something that perfects the man.” — Frank Pittman

We hope our emails are a nice dose of quiet summer mornings for your soul — refreshing and fun. We aim to delight without the discontent. It’s the best of today that honors tradition and the past. Welcome to our new subscribers — so glad you are here!

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Love you Mrs6am-ers 💖,

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